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Do You Believe in Self Love or IAM Love?

Updated: Jun 7, 2023

Do we follow the crowd in a self-love world or can we change our mindset and recognise we are already Love?

women feathers butterfly
women feathers butterfly

The title above has been giving me something to think about, today, yesterday, last month, a year ago… actually a lot! it’s been getting more air time in my head than I would like, could this be part of the problem?


I currently attend a weekly psychic development class and the topic of Self Love comes up now and then but it leaves me with a lot to think about. I’m not saying that I disagree with the whole “Self-Love” train that most spiritual people seem to adopt, but it just doesn’t resonate with me 100% and like anything else, I question anything and everything. Especially if it’s something that is being drummed into me or by society, seeing it posted on social media or it’s an “expectation”.

The questioning is with everything I do, and yes, there is a tiny part of me that likes to disagree with others and throw in a little bit of stubbornness when someone tells me, or I hear “I need to love myself”…(insert eye roll here)

So, my question to the statement is why do I need to love myself and my favourite;” according to who?” It’s not a lie that I am struggling with this concept, but I ask “Is there a better way I can learn this *concept* that’s right for me?. A way that will help me better as a soul, and embrace this new way of being does it really work with me, gel with me and my thought process and is it a reflection of who I am?

Public personalities, life coaches, motivational speakers, social media, and my psychic mentor are all talking about self-love and loving yourself…so I get it, it’s something we as humans are asked to learn or understand, to help us evolve into a better world and better be-ings, to help us grow and ooze love onto others as much as it is oozing out of us…I get it, but…

Those who know me and have been on this spiritual path with me know the personal struggles I have been dealing with and continue to do so. A big part of that has been discovering and getting to know the new Claire that has been slowly emerging and evolving constantly. It seems I am in constant review and then evolves. I have questioned who I am, and what my purpose is, discovered and developed new abilities, and gone through some very dark moments for the most part have all been expressed via my blogs and social media posts including how to start loving myself.

I also recognise, I do tend to be easily swayed sometimes with no fault but my own, and because with this topic I felt “to love myself” has become an expectation. Once the expectation of what I needed to do was in fact Loving myself so damn hard, it became even harder to try and get to the bottom of it what was causing me such discomfort. What I was being told or read was no longer feeling right to me. It started to feel off, it wasn’t matching my frequency or vibration, and really, it was another thing to add to my already full spiritual journey and another concept we had to achieve on our road to enlightenment, awakening, and ascension, I became tired.


Self-Love..this concept has escaped me.

Throw in a bit of (actually a lot) conditioning, a family (no fault of their own) where we were not taught to “love ourselves” growing up. Where it was family members who love each other, and showed people love by putting others first before ourselves and saying yes but really felt like saying no.

That’s the first part, the second part to that has been my “perception of love”, I readily admit it’s pretty shit, high standards and all (Virgo here) while having a big heart and wearing it on her sleeve (my double Leo sun and moon). Plus what it meant to me, growing up was making sure I gave love out / or showed people “love” before I gave it to myself. As I grew up, It dictated how I was in relationships, what I expected, what I put up with or didn’t, and what I thought I was or should be getting in return.

Shortly before writing this blog I recently had a past life regression. During the regression, you get a snapshot of your past lives and if you are lucky as I was the incarnation before the one you are currently living now.

Some of my past life residues explain a bit of this “self-love” dilemma I am experiencing in this life. However, I will not completely blame my lack of self-love on my past life (s) (that’s another blog), as I feel right now it’s a combination of all the above and the next part of my journey. Also, as wonderful synchronicity, it would be that at the time of writing this, I am listening to Spotify and this song plays the words go “You are loved, you are loved, you are loved”

Very funny universe, very funny.

So getting back to it… Self-Love

Do we really believe those public personalities etc about what they preach/talk/motivate about the topic of self-love? I have read my share of self-help books, seeking external assistance/guidance to help me become better, to sparkle, to shine, to work out via exercises in a book what my weaknesses are, what I`m great at, etc. and I take it all in, but I also let it marinate before I take on a new mantra or a new approach to my life or how I should live it too, but still after all this exploring, the discomfort still lingered.

My question is;

Have you had similar experiences with public personalities, and books and questioned your own path of self-love? Has it worked for you? Or has it lost its buzz and the sparkle and shine have worn off and you are back to the beginning? Back to repeating the same cycle? of lacking self-love or have you found yourself and brought self-love to where it should be in your heart, your soul, in your relationships, or your life?

Please keep in mind, that this is just my view on it all and I am not saying stop listening to public personalities or stop reading books on self-love or what it means to love yourself, but, use your own judgment and do what feels right for you.

For me personally and this is my take on it, there is a place for all of it and yes there was a time where I needed a bit of kick up the butt to get started and really deal with the real me. I also, at times needed to get extra help with peeling back the layers of me and working out what I wanted or didn’t want from my life the way the way it was and going down the path of do I self-love or don’t self-love.

My heart and my head have always had their own path, going along their own way and rarely speaking to each other, but they have become better friends and the distance between them is not as big as it used to be. The brain is taking a break (sometimes) while the heart comes out and shines..sometimes.

The heart still experiences feeling torn, exudes sadness and then miraculously repairs itself even if it’s on the surface and beats again with a bit of joy when something has resonated or made sense. It has at times gone back into its shell and that’s ok because the awareness of knowing that has increased too. It’s all part of the process.

I have recently seen and only very recently seen other lightworkers, way showers, question this self-love concept that has bombarded by society & social media, and what they say is this…and like any concept this isn’t my idea but one that resonates on a deeper level for me at this very moment.

Here it is…


Sit with that for a minute, and read the line 2 or 3 more times if you need it… I will be here.

Welcome back.

How did that make you feel?

Do you agree? Do you disagree

How was it reading those words make you feel?

Is it a foreign concept seeping into your subconscious cells and the more it sinks in, it becomes less of a strangeness and more of a welcoming hug to your heart and soul?

Is it turning a light on inside? Or are you rejecting the thought of it because it doesn’t work with you or is that just your perception of it?

Either way, you resonate with it or you don’t is totally okay, the only truth you need is the one that your heart and soul recognise, not because another being has said “This is how it has to be”. The point of this blog is just to discuss the topic itself — both sides of the story, to be able to remove judgment of either side and acknowledge the concept for what it is for all of us.

Here it is again….


I’ve been on such a trip trying to teach myself to love myself, been extremely hard on myself too, trying to feel with my heart and stop thinking with my head, easy to say for some. It is also just as hard for me and for those who for whatever reason struggle with the concept of love. Perhaps, changing our perspective to something that we can easily digest, accept, and understand is not such a bad idea until we get to that day that we can maybe say “I love myself” and believe it, But I ask…why does this concept have to be so damn hard? harder than it has to be if the concept its self is so fucking simple and pure…LOVE JUST IS.

To say, I love myself is still uncomfortable to my cells, to my soul, to my inner being, but to say I AM LOVE… yeh I like it a bit better… and you know what I am ok with that, here’s why.

My IAM love vibration is enough to know what I tolerate from others and how much depending on the situation or circumstance.

My IAM Love vibration is enough to be kind to my body to nourish it, to give It what it needs, sometimes it wants to be healthy sometimes it's calling out for Nutella and ice cream either way its ok..

My IAM Love vibration is enough to realise I am a part of something bigger and that I am here to help others see the love within and to help it grow in any way that resonates with them.

My IAM Love vibration is enough to start learning to see others as love and myself.

All the above is MY IAM Love.

It may be different for you or it may not. I have chosen to see myself as LOVE and I feel that once I get more and more used to that, it will overflow out of me and onto others with no expectations or judgements because it just is. I am also adjusting to the I AM statement as when I voice it out loud or as a thought I like the way it feels or runs through my energy centers.

There are many other I AM statements such I AM worthy, I AM peace, etc.

IAM LOVE is not a mission that needs to be completed or accomplished, or an idea that needs to be bragged about to others or shouted from the rooftops, but a feeling or emotion that grows and flows all the time, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

I remind myself continually I AM LOVE

My IAM Love vibration is enough to quiet all the negative talks (most of the time anyway) or put me downs, it is enough to enter relationships that on all levels, are for my best and highest good and to find the courage and the strength to walk away from them when they are not. It is enough to choose to have a mindset of abundance, not lack.

My IAM Love vibration is enough to challenge others on this concept of love, it is enough to find something that brings me peace, not a concept that I need to keep searching around for in the dark, stumbling along the way or getting frustrated because I feel it`s constantly outside of me.…No.

I could go on and on, maybe some of these have struck a chord or you will just sit with this idea later on and contemplate what you have just read.

My concept of I AM LOVE Is enough for me, my path, and my soul and not something that I will compare to others, it's different for everyone.

Right now, this is what works for me, it may be for you or it may not, you may keep searching or maybe you will stand in your IAM Love essence that is enough to know what`s in your best and highest good in this very moment.


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