An awakened conscious soul contemplating the next stage in her relationship with someone who is not “consciously awake”.
I am sitting in my bed on a Sunday morning with this conversation swimming in my mind, it has been “in my mind “for the last few days and it is also a conversation I am unsure if I should have with my new partner.
I also have trouble speaking up, being vulnerable, and speaking intimately about my feelings to anyone. Not to mention someone new who is now in my life. I don’t do relationships well or intimacy or even being open about sex stuff. I am quite shy and of course, naturally introverted about all of that and everything else.
I know there is a part of me that needs to speak up because I am still seeking to be understood, even by myself. The other part of me wonders if I do speak up will my new bf “get me” or at the least understand me and where I am coming from and hope it won’t dampen or put the brakes on our yet-to-be sex life/ relationship.
As a consciously awakened soul, I quite quickly gain awareness of issues that I face while also managing my ego, so it doesn’t get out of control and think the worst or go into self-sabotage mode.
This relationship is special to me, our connection is strong and as a conscious soul, I know our souls have been here before. I also believe in self-growth, in myself. And, within this new relationship, we are forming, we have as much to teach the other person and vice versa. I want to be able to grow with this man. I hope he wants the same.
Recognising personal growth in ourselves is, I feel a 5D aspect. A form of maturity and an opportunity to grow is present in any situation, experience, and relationship. Maybe someone who isn’t fully conscious also knows this. I don’t know, I can’t say for sure.
I have only known this man for 3 weeks even though it feels like a lifetime. He may or may not understand growth, and maybe because I am a healer/teacher this kind of relationship will help his personal development if he is open to it, or maybe I am just stuck in a cycle of assumptions.
It is no secret, I am getting scared of getting hurt. Being left to pick up the pieces of another failed relationship if this doesn’t work out.
Scared that I give my body and my soul to someone who then leaves, I am left with the work of clearing out my energy system, my body, and my aura and cutting off chords after this.
Not to mention the energy of another soul that connected with me, I must grieve for the relationship again. Recognise the lessons it gave me, forgiveness for the both of us and once more, heal from all of this.
It is a lot of work for the awakened soul.
All of this is what someone who is consciously aware, may choose to do should they want to once a relationship Is over. As a conscious soul, you must do as much healing work after a relationship ends, as you did during it
I am also scared to show him that by having this conversation with him I am being vulnerable.
I am opening myself up, so he can see a little bit more of me, and that itself is scary.
He does know about my spiritual and holistic lifestyle. But he doesn’t know yet how much I see the union as a big part of the relationship. How I change after I take this next step. How I feel about him will deepen after coming together in a sacred union and by taking this step, I am consciously making the decision to hand all of me...over to him.
This sacred body that I reside in is a channel of healing to help heal others. This spiritual divine body is home to all my other psychic gifts, and has an aura and chakras, holding love and light energy that sits in every single cell and is embedded into the DNA of my body.
This body is home to a very very old soul who has been through numerous incarnations and has experienced a huge range of emotions and experiences throughout those lifetimes.
This sacred body that can give life to the world by birthing a child if I ever choose to, is connected as one to the sun, the wind, the rain, the sky, the ancestors that watch over us, Mother Earth, and the entire universe — IAM at one with everything and everything is at one with me.
If and when I decide, my body is a gift to us both. It is why I am choosing to wait, just a little bit longer, because I want to see how deep he will go as a man when I express all of this to him. It`s a way of protecting myself spiritually as well as emotionally.
I am doing my best to come from a place of common sense mixed with consciously awakened. Trying to quieten my ego and not have thoughts that I am using my body as "just a body or vessel". After a lot of heartbreak in past relationships, wisdom has shown me, that I can`t hand my body over to anyone anymore, I just can’t.
I honour myself too much not too.
Will the new BF be understanding and accepting of me and what I stand for yes, I think he will, well I hope so, but there is still an unknown doubt. And also, respect. I do want to know he has respect for me. More so, I want to see if he has respect for himself as a man. Not a boy who thinks he is a man. Respect for his divine masculine and his divine feminine who both reside in his soul.
I am asking a lot of him. Maybe my standards are part of what is wrong here, but I don’t think so. I seek his understanding, I feel after speaking up about this with him, will show me if he will get it, or he won’t.
Final Thoughts
Sex, conscious sex, is a sacred gift that holds so much meaning to me that I want to be sure that he knows what it means for me to take this next step.
It is here our souls will meet, not just our bodies. It is when a lifetime of experiences will meet, most importantly lifetimes that I know we have experienced before just in a different time and place.
It is here our hearts will meet and come together not just our bodies, it is where our energy will merge within our energy system as one, it is here that for me a new love for him will birth and grow, no longer will be separate be -ings. Merging on a soul level together as one, a new sacred union of conscious sex.