Recently I have felt very lost with no plan or purpose. I did not know what I should do with my life.
In the past, when I felt this way, it was always very temporary. I was able to pull myself back on track and re-focus. I was able to move forward again with little stress. A quick sidestep and then I would be back on track.
This time it was different. I could sense something felt. I felt off, no matter what I tried to do. The gap between being on-track and off-track was beginning to become very wide. For a short time, I felt I would never get back on track.
This feeling scared me. I always had a plan or an idea of what to do next to do or accomplish. But I didn’t want to achieve anything. I did not even want to try and sort it out to re-focus or re-group.
I wanted nothing more than to escape.
And the procrastination, I even surprised myself. I created many ways to try and distract myself.
For the first time in a long time, I did not know what I wanted. It made me feel uncomfortable. I did not like being here.
I should have a plan, right?
What I did know was that I was burnt out.
I had recently turned 44. I had enough of my struggles, my mental health issues. I had become unfulfilled with my 9 to 5, even my side hustle I had fallen out of love. I was dealing with an unwell dog who had her share of health issues.
I had nothing left in the tank to give others or more myself.
I wanted to walk off into the sunset and never look back. Regardless if I knew what I wanted to walk into next or not, I did not care.
Staying On Track
Being quite spiritual, I usually take guidance from the universe. I would notice signs and synchronicities as they would make their way to me to keep me on track.
I was so off that track I did not even take any notice. I fell into that feeling of I don’t care if you are trying to guide me. I am over it. The "woe is me" scenario, the little pity party I gave myself, wasted the little energy I had left.
I continued to ignore the signs and stood firm. I was stubborn, I knew what I was doing. I did not need help or guidance.
How could I be if I didn’t even know what help I needed?
One afternoon, I sent out a final request to the universe...
Please hear me, I begged.
Where can I be of service? I asked because, in my heart, I knew that part of me was still there.
I resigned and gave in, then it all shifted.
You see, I stopped making it about me. I dropped my guard.
From that moment on, each hour got better, my days got better. I got out of my way. I started to see the breadcrumbs the universe was guiding me to follow all along.
My journal came out, thoughts, ideas, questions, and plans all scribbled in red ink over my pages. They appeared out of nowhere but brought from my subconscious, a new story ready to be written. A new journey to discover.
My intuition heightened, and my inner knowing gained momentum. I could hear the intuition drop into my consciousness. The inner knowing that it wasn’t my ego this time speaking to me.
The ego is loud and bossy and negative, this was not it. This whisper was quiet and gentle, neutral in emotion.
The energy of these thoughts created the synchronisation that I was familiar with. Every realisation I had followed by another and another, it all fell into place like magic.
Listening to your intuition
Even before I had finished my question to the universe, the answer appeared soon after. Finally, I was feeling like myself again.
That`s intuition, that’s guidance, that is your inner knowing. It is not about effort because there isn’t any.
The universe does all the heavy work.
You have to be open, aware, take notice, and meet halfway.
A new path began to form for me to explore. A new sense of wonder had crept in.
This path has been here all along. In my mind, I wasn’t ready. The universe didn’t care that I did not take any notice before. My guides didn’t care either. They knew I would end up exactly where I needed to be.
But I had to do my part, was I ready?
I had to want more. I had to get out of my way. In the past, I was half in half out. I had been searching for an exit plan for my current life. In actuality, I needed a different direction.
I was ready for more.
I am ready for more, my soul is ready for more. I finally felt I was worthy of wanting more. I had to be in the present to do so. Looking back was energy wasted. Looking forward was not here yet, neither is helpful.
I felt excited to live my life again.
We tend to get trapped in the fear or anxiety of our lives.
Being lost with no direction is not as bad as it seems. It is more about trusting the unknown and not having all the answers as we think we should.
Final Thoughts
It is time to trust that intuition to steer us forward. It is never about making a mistake but a lesson we may need to learn. During these experiences, I learned how to trust my intuition.
They say to have courage and take a leap of faith, if a leap is too much then a step is just as good. It is not the size of the leap, but how big your heart is and the courage you have to step forward one step at a time.
Are you ready to trust your intuition?
The universe is waiting. She will not let you fall, you are too magnificent to forget.