This should be a fairly easy question for some of us, me not so much.
When I wrote this question in my journal after watching a YouTube video on the same topic. I have to admit I struggled to answer, simply my answer was I don’t know…but I also knew instantly I wanted freedom.
Random, that I would have both those points written down in front of me, perhaps they were the answer to each other.
I have been doing a lot of shadow work lately, life and the experiences of late have given me quite a few wake-up calls and how I am choosing to live in this life.
Maybe what I thought was living might actually be living someone else`s truth. That does not mean that I had adopted a range of random truths along the way, it meant that together with a heap of expectations and limiting beliefs with some childhood conditioning the line between mine and those around me was hazy.
I was never really taught to explore my own thoughts and if I did have my own thoughts which I chose to vocalise, it was very quickly questioned and then the cloud of doubt rolled in on those thoughts. This in turn created another fear of not making the right decision.
It didn't leave any room to explore my own thoughts or understood what any of it meant, how to process it and not bypass it or push it deep down within. Even knowing how to work through my feelings was unchartered territory.
Ultimately being able to trust my own judgment, my gut feeling, and my intuition and make the decision that felt right to me was foreign to me.
It is no one's fault, it was just the environment of generational conditioning which now I am having to undo.
A lesson in itself.
Being someone who is in her head all the time, I push myself to journal the shadow work to help me process my thoughts and empty my brain. Otherwise, it is a circle of repetition, and feelings of being overwhelmed soon take over. It leaves me out of alignment and confused, not a great place to be but have been many, many times.
What is my truth? still lingers as words upon my page, I can though, come up with why I can’t find my inner truth, these are:
Always trying to fit in, feel accepted or be a people pleaser, these usually related to family and work dynamics.
Makes me feel uncomfortable even thinking about it, having to be honest with myself.
Confused, unsure as to what are my truths and what are other's expectations that I have unconsciously absorbed as mine.
Codependency and being aware of my part in it all and how it blocked me from taking accountability for my own decisions and actions and the impact it had for most of my adult life.
Why can't I decide for myself and why do I never know what I want or need emotionally?
Just to name a few.
I think the real question is...
What do you see or imagine your inner truth to be if there wasn’t any conditioning growing up or limited beliefs imposed on you?
My answer besides freedom would be;
Making decisions that felt right to me
A clear knowing yes or no in any situation or experience.
A deep un-wavering knowing when something in my life had served its purpose and to let go of, including controlling everything to allow room for better things to come forward
Living my best life one that is happy and fulfilled following my dreams even if they took me on a different path.
Making the wrong decisions was okay and it wasn't going to be the end of everything, it would be a lesson learned.
Not listening to negativity
Inner truth is different for everyone, our paths are determined based on this and perhaps finding your inner truth is the actual path you are on.
What I have learned so far about myself is inner truth goes hand in hand with being in alignment and how it feels to me.
I struggle with this, I do notice how I feel but my head also gets in the way. I second-guess myself. Believing everything needs to be a mission or really hard to achieve when it is the opposite.
What is in alignment for you or what your inner truth is will be easy, you will be in the flow. It is a quiet nudge from your higher self, not a bombardment of fear in fight or flight mode.
The next step is taking action on the feeling, not getting trapped in the indecision of it all. This is where I am right now, I have to walk the talk as much as it feels uncomfortable and slightly terrifying.
Final Thoughts
Like others, I am re-learning how to courageously walk my path of inner truth. I pause when the thoughts in my head feel like they are taking over and drop back into my heart. Not always easy, but eventually the heart is heard over the chatter in the head.
We are not always going to get it all right. Some know how to balance the heart and the mind, while others are more heart-centered. How we do it is not important.
What is important is the awareness of when you stray from your inner truth and you lovingly bring yourself back however many times it takes.
It is all perfect even though you may not think so. You will always end up exactly where you need to be. A work in progress that is of the alignment of YOUR INNER TRUTH.
A freedom that can only be found within and that sets your soul free.