Updated: Jun 7
I am at a time in my life after an intense week of energy shifts I am left feeling introverted, disconnected, and in a weird way connected.
Connected to the bigger picture of life, connected to the unknown, connected to knowing I am here to be part of a bigger purpose, connected to the universe but still feeling introverted and disconnected.
This feeling, if you even want to call it that, led me to ask myself.
How am I distracting myself?
How am I distracting myself from allowing my own thoughts emotions worries and fears (not others) to the surface? to be acknowledged or to distract me from my own spiritual growth, from my path of spirituality, from acknowledging my shadow dark side?
What`s worse, where was I distracting myself in my life from being stuck to moving forward? How was I distracting myself from making soul life decisions and that in reality distracted me from creating the best life possible for me..
This week, after a long weekend and being away from my full-time job for a few days I was able to decompress. I chose to cut back my distractions because intuitively I needed space inside my consciousness to work out what was really troubling me deep in my soul.
The ignoring of my feelings was becoming a little bit too uncomfortable. I cut back on my distractions and the endless scrolling on social media. It all took a back seat as I focused on my mental health.
I reduced the amount of time on the healing/guidance I gave to others in the collective consciousness that I would comment in group posts holistically responding and offering guidance to issues they had been facing, it was taking up too much of my energy. I was becoming overwhelmed and it was /is one of the largest forms of distractions I do by helping others before myself.
I cut back on Netflix too and TV in general. Instead, I turned on Youtube, listened to meditation music, and watched inspiring and motivational videos, channeling, and ted talks to help guide me but also keep my heart open as I traveled down a new path of getting to know myself again. I meditated, I haven't meditated in months, I did puzzles and started reading my books again.
I did restorative yoga in my living room. I spent countless hours on my hanging egg chair on my apartment balcony in the middle of winter wrapped in blankets until the sun went down listening to whatever music I was guided to while I watched the clouds pass over, the stars twinkling in the night sky conversations with Gaia while I drank many cups of hot tea and coffee.
I practiced for once self-care, I practiced just being, letting my thoughts wash over me one after the other. I reconnected with my inner guidance, intuition, my heart, and my soul.
I allowed time for my mind to settle so guidance from my heart center could be heard as my DNA and cellular structure closely listened as I formed new beliefs and thought patterns.
I yearned for thoughts of a new direction in my life, clarity, guidance, and reassurance that was on the right path.. moving forward in one way or another.
I struggled with clarity. I was swaying this way and that way. What was my ego saying? what was my fear saying? I was swaying every which way with negative thoughts and beliefs. By the end of my days, before I returned to my 9 to 5, clarity started to occur, and even though it has been a small amount it has given me hope to take a new step forward.
Not quite the leap of faith my oracle cards and the universe suggest because I haven't quite mastered getting over the fear of just going for it! anxiety much??
What I have gained so far is a shift in mastering my negative thought pattern to a more positive outlook, it has brought me more peace and less stress.
My intuition, my guidance was needing a new record to play.
What has also evolved from this time spent with little distractions has been an issue surrounding my identity. This a matter of concern that has been in subconsciousness a bit this year already. I struggled as I worried about my business, in particular my Facebook page.
I worried about how I can reach those on my page without all the rules and algorithms that can be more of a block than a help when someone really doesn't like being told how she should play the social media game.
How I can make more of an impact without being like everyone else or other spiritual way-showers /light-workers?
Where was I coming from a negative space for this? how could I change the direction in how I saw my business and its contribution to humanity? How could I not attach myself to the negative thoughts? was I ready to start thinking from a more aligned place? How could I use my intuition and how I intuitively feel my way out of this?
How could I be more ME?
But still do what I love doing which is teaching, healing, and guiding my soul family through my social media.
It just so happened, that the universe presented me with a synchronicity.
Earlier, I watched a fellow light-worker on her you-tube channel. She mentioned how we can in our own way use our discernment in who we choose to follow and how we choose to follow them either in a video or via the written word by trusting what we see or read makes us feel.
Simply, if it doesn't feel in alignment or helps our growth or just doesn't feel right to question if you should follow them. More importantly, she spoke about those who have chosen to help awaken the collective to reach their audience some may use video, and some may choose to write.
This was the second synchronicity for me to get my voice across in the written word. The first showed up in an oracle card that I was guided to write more.
Was this how I was to show up? Did I trust this? Did it feel right?
Yes, it did. It resonated enough as a confirmation.
It was my intuition all along.
I have come to understand that to move forward in anything in life spiritual or not is about listening to our intuition. We have the knowledge to make decisions that I or you are guided to do. If by some chance it doesn't work out then it is a lesson for growth.
For some of us, myself included, our intuition comes in a way of a feeling. Our stomach, our gut instinct our Solar Plexus Chakra will say yes this feels right, or no, find another way or solution. I will seek confirmation of how it feels for me.
After this week as I continue to learn and grow, my intuition tells me that leading by example is the way to go. As I learn, grow, and evolve I will share those insights with others.
By showing how I am learning to live my truth by gaining a closer connection to my intuition, my inner guidance, and trusting how it responds back to be in a feeling. I can live my truth because it will and must always feel right to me.