Today’s society has us split into many many parts, we are all at one time or another trying to put ourselves together bit by bit, sowing up scars that have appeared over our life here on earth and with that many incarnations.
Some of these scars are on the surface and are just barely visible. Some are so deep, so engraved that only our subconscious can recognise it is there. A familiar string of flesh, that over time gets more and more faint so that by the time it is near the surface of our skin it is just a faint groove. When you trace your finger over it, you can just slightly feel the flesh that has healed over it.
Some of these scars will never be completely healed, and regardless will always be there. It will never be perfectly healed as if it was never there or faintly there that it is impossible to see with the eye.
At times you can actually forget its story of how it came to being there in the first place. Other times, the memory is real, it is fresh, and it's sore and tender to touch even though the skin has become a bit tough as it has tried to heal itself.
The pain that comes with touching the scar brings tears to the eyes and aches to the worn out weathered heart that lies deep within the body it resides in.
Today as I write this blog, I am feeling the Lone Wolf very much. I want everyone close, but also nowhere near me. I want to shout, scream, cry, rebel, and morph into a new person, I almost can’t stand being in my skin.
Sometimes I just want to crawl into nothingness, disappear into space, disappear into…. anything. I don`t like how I look today, I feel like I am not in my skin, and I am finding it extremely hard to “people”. Some days I feel this more than others. It can be a reaction to what is going on in the universe and on a planetary aspect — full moons, eclipses, new moons, the influx of energies.
Other times it is planets in my natal chart not sitting on their home planet making me feel as out of place as I am here on earth, which is part of why I feel I am a Lone Wolf.
When you consciously wake up. You begin to understand the scope of your purpose of why you believe you are here, it also leads to trying to understand why you also on feel out of place here on earth.
Why do you feel lonely even in relationships? Feel lonely, even though you are out with friends, lonely even though you are residing on a planet with billions of other souls.
In some way I have become used to it, the loneliness, I see it as a part of me, an extension of who I am.
I have discovered that I have a deep longing for something else that is not tangible, I can’t put “it” into words because I don’t even know what “it” is. I wish that this “it” would come and find me.
I know it’s not here, but unsure where out there it is. I know it’s around because it is a chord of energy that I can’t put a label or a title to.
I just long for it as a piece of me that has never been found, a missing something.
Lone Wolf can be described as:
They don’t fit in society, the black sheep, the rebels, the outcasts, the weird ones, the unusual ones. The ones that question everything because there is never an answer that can quench our questioning. Then the question will lead to another question and so on.
We are the ones that find it hard to be loved, but we love others more than we have. We struggle with being understood in our relationships. Choosing at times not to be in any romantic relationship as we feel we just have been through too much already and no one (rarely) “gets” us.
But, how can they? there are parts of us we just don’t get either, we don’t want the norm in anything, we want that little bit more of anything and everything.
We want to be somewhere where we can belong, but we don’t know what or where that is.
For the most part, we do at times and are lucky enough to find our soul family and it is here that the pieces of our soul start to feel as if they are coming together.
But, even being a part of a soul family, loneliness can still linger because we have had to be on our own for so long that even with our soul family, we struggle to open up and learn to come together as one.
It is a hard learning curve for us to be raw, open, and vulnerable, sometimes even more so with those who are also lone wolves themselves. We are taken aback and surprised that there are others that are like us.
Lone wolfs coming together to build a new wolf pack family, as disjointed, unconventional, weird, and strange as it gets yet sometimes it feels whole. Other times it still feels like isolation paradise, we begin to accept all of this and just keep going on in life.
It’s a unique “label” to understand unless you recognise yourself as a Lone Wolf. Only you really, really understand this energy that surrounds the Lone Wolf persona. As a writer, I whole hardheartedly see myself as a Lone Wolf.
but I have trouble expressing in words what this actually is.
But I will try, here goes…
The lone wolf comes from
Knowing that I am a very very old soul. Fragments of my being are floating around in other dimensions in other universes and my consciousness is always with our collective consciousness.
I’m a part of something bigger than me and my purpose of being here on earth at this time is to assist the collective consciousness in its healing and in its ascension.
My past life and incarnations are numerous, with each soul experience weaving a level of energy into my consciousness that I have brought into this life to work through and heal from.
My heart yearns for love and a life that is unknown but subconsciously also knows that it exists.
The lone wolf comes from
Being a loner, an introvert an oversensitive child, a child that never fitted in at school, was always bullied, and always sat on her own in the playground.
The girl that no one ever made friends with because even back then I knew I never fitted in and always thought of myself as an ugly duckling. So much in my head that I knew even at a young age that everything outside of me felt strange.
I didn’t fit or belong here. I remember also always feeling so much but did not know why. An inner anger so deep I didn’t know how to express but also wondered why I felt the way I did all the time.
Only now, many years later I am an Empath. As I child that meant I felt everyone’s emotions all the time while carrying my own.
The lone wolf comes from
Being a child in a family she never really felt like she belonged. Needed to be loved in a different way than her siblings, encouraged, nurtured, and supported in a way she didn’t know at the time to ask for.
The lone wolf comes from
Being a soul that has become an awakened conscious being. Still finding out where she fits in this world but also recognising now it’s time to find her own way and lay down her own path, unique to her.
A place where she feels comfortable and safe, learning and finding her way in her spiritual business and this includes being seen on a professional level by others.
Questioning society’s of its extrovert ways of being seen, following someone else rules. “must do” and “should do”. Deep down she is an introvert at heart and wants to run her own show as a lone wolf on her terms, in her own lone wolf way.
This lone wolf deep down fights this fight herself every day. Struggling to be who she is and accepting all parts of her. She questions the integrity, the honesty of what may be really hidden under fake people and their personas at all levels professional or not.
This lone wolf seeks loyalty but has a hard time with trust, more so trusting her heart and soul with others.
As a Lone Wolf, she does, however bravely stand in her own sovereign lone wolf persona.
She knows with a deep understanding of what her gifts can bring to this world.
She knows with a deep understanding how far her soul has traveled and what it has gone through.
She must learn to balance being alone and being a part of a pack. Never for a minute forget who she is and the courage to live for her purpose every single day.