The Contradictions & Chaos of an Awakened Soul

A confessional for the awakened soul seekers who don’t fit the mould.

Growing up in a strict Catholic household, I didn’t know about spirituality until my own awakening. But I was already causing chaos, black sheep energy, always battling the status quo. I didn’t fit, and I didn’t pretend to.

I felt isolated. Unaware of my psychic gifts, yet deep down, I knew I was different. The family I incarnated into wasn’t the space my soul needed to express itself, it was the cage I needed to free.

After my awakening, I thought I’d found my tribe. My gifts were seen, even celebrated. But I still caused chaos. I was thrown off by my own contradictions. I didn’t always agree with traditional spiritual teachings, and that made me feel like I didn’t fully belong, again.

How could I fit in and still not fit in?

Eventually, I stopped trying. I accepted that contradiction and chaos are my essence. They’re part of my unique blueprint as an awakened soul.

Here’s how that shows up today:

• I’m spiritual—but I drive a sports car. Leather seats, loud engine, bass that shakes my soul. Speed reminds me I’m alive. Having nice things doesn’t make me materialistic—it makes me honest.

• I’m spiritual—but I say “WTF, universe” more than “namaste.” I commune with ancestors via sarcasm and scream into the void. Meditation, healing, releasing—it all counts, in whatever form it takes.

• I’m spiritual—but sometimes the ritual is tacos and a margarita. I eat and drink what makes me happy. That’s my medicine. That’s my self-care.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

I let go of the belief that I had to fit into the “new age” way of being. I’m still figuring it out. I’m not here to perfect it, I’m here to live it, practice it, one contradiction at a time.

You’re allowed to be spiritual and wild, wise and wonderfully inconsistent.

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